


Tainted Memories

by Cleo



Category: CSI: NY
Genre: Angst, Canon Het Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-12
Updated: 2006-02-12
Packaged: 2017-10-19 19:29:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/204425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cleo/pseuds/Cleo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A shadow from the past comes back to torment Mac.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tainted Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first attempt at a CSI: NY and all out angst fic. As it was a request by Fruitbat it is hereby dedicated to Fruitbat as a b-day present. This is Angst filled and is a Hurt/Comfort for Mac bashing but not really...you'll see. Hankie warning is given whether it's warranted or not you decide.

Danny kicked in the door to the apartment and followed Flack inside. Stella and he had just pieced together the last of the evidence to figure out that Ralph Gauthier was behind Mac's abduction. He just hoped they'd gotten here in time before any permanent damage was done to his lover. Bringing his attention back to the task at hand Danny listened as Flack cleared the rooms.

Flack walked over to the last door, the only one locked, which seemed to be the last remaining place for Mac to be held. Don opened the door and looked in his heart clutched in his stomach at the sight that greeted him. He quickly called to Stella and Danny to join him and telling the other officers to secure the perimeter and get an ambulance. He knew without being told Mac would have a hard time recovering from this one.

Stella got to the room first with Danny right behind as a close second. The sight that greeted them nearly broke her heart and she could only guess what it was doing to Danny, Mac's lover of less than a year. Mac was huddled in a corner arms cuffed behind his back his head down on his legs rocking back and forth sitting on a thin, dirty mattress. The only other furnishing in the room was a wall mounted TV that was showing of all things Mac and Claire together on a picnic blanket in what looked to be Central Park in summertime. You could see the love they had for each other shining through. Quickly Stella turned it off and slowly started to approach Mac.

Danny's first thought on entering was, _thank god, he's alive_ but it instantly changed to, _oh shit_ when he saw what was on the TV. He knew that Mac was gonna have a hard time recovering and he was scared that they'd may never recover as a couple from this.

"Hey, Mac. You with us here?" Danny asked softly.

Mac was lost in his mind. All the memories he'd had of Claire twisted and warped with the videos he'd been forced to watch. The first six hours he'd been cuffed to a chair and forced to hear by a wireless headset strapped to his head as well as see. Some of the videos had been dubbed over with Gauthier's voice talking about Claire as if she were his. Other times there were sounds of what could only be Gauthier's masturbating to the scenes he'd filmed of Mac and Claire making love at home. The extent and amount of footage that the man had collected suggested he'd been stalking them for months before Claire's death. The most recent footage had been of the weekend before 9/11 when they'd gone to the Pocono's for a romantic weekend. He'd taped them with audio that time. Somehow he'd gotten a camera with audio into their room at the hotel. Once again this footage was dubbed and where there should have been Mac's voice there was Gauthier's.

All the pain, guilt, helplessness and loneliness he'd felt since her death ate at him as he watched and by the end of the sixth hour he was too far-gone. He'd ranted, raved and screamed himself hoarse in anguish at what was being done to him. He'd barely registered that he'd been released from what remained of the chair as he'd broken it in his attempt to get to the vile television. The headset was removed but the damage had been done. The false sounds and the tentative reality of memories were starting to blur. He'd been cuffed to the radiator while the room was cleaned of any bit of broken chair that he could have possibly used.

Then he heard another voice insert itself into the maelstrom of memories. A voice he'd come to love and look forward to. A voice that spoke of need, desire and love. It was his lover's voice. It was a male voice odd he thought but right nonetheless. He looked up and stared not quite believing the visual. There was that beloved face, those sexy geek glasses, that beloved mouth that gave such pleasure and comfort to Mac. Was this another of Gauthier's tricks? Was he trying to taint another great love for Mac? Mac shook his head to the vision and croaked out, "Not real, another trick," and put his head back on his knees.

That broken disbelieving voice hurt Danny right down to his soul. "Hey, Mac. It's me. I am real," tentatively he reached out to touch Mac. At Mac's startled withdrawal, the hurt he felt was almost overwhelming. He had to remind himself Mac didn't mean it and needed him to be strong. It was a foreign thing to Danny to see him like this. No matter whatever it was nothing seemed to break Mac but he guessed everyone had a breaking point and Claire was Mac's.

Mac flinched at the touch he'd felt. Was that real? It felt real. Could it be real? Mac looked up again and there it was that beloved face still there but sadness was in the eyes now. Mac knew he didn't like seeing that face full of sadness. He tried to touch the face but couldn't. Panic slowly crept up his spine as he fought to get free. He couldn't soothe Claire in her time of need but this one he could if only he could get free. He struggled and fought. He felt hands trying to hold him and fought against them. Then that beloved voice came again telling him to calm and everything was going to be okay. But nothing was ever going to be okay, now. His memories were betrayed, tainted by an outsider. He collapsed against a body vaguely familiar and let the hands release him. As soon as he was free he touched the beloved face trying to remove the sadness there.

Stella watched as Danny tried to reach through to Mac. She knew he would be the only one to do it. If they didn't establish something remotely close to Mac's normal personality soon then things would be a lot hairier down the line. She noted Danny physically flinched as if hit when Mac pulled away. She also saw the fear and sadness as he looked at the wreck that was his lover. Mac's voice grated on her already stretched nerves. Over twenty-four hours of no sleep did that to a person.

She saw the panic attack starting and reacted before Danny did. She'd just started to try and calm him down when he started to violently struggle against the helping hands. Seemed as if he was trying to get out of the cuffs restraining him. Stella reached around to get them off as Danny started to soothe Mac with his words. She was finally able to succeed when Mac hesitated slightly then had to quickly get out of the way as Mac seems to launch himself toward Danny.

She looked back at the doorway to make sure no prying eyes were there to hurt these two members of her family if they witnessed this scene. The only person there was Flack and he was looking down the hall but slightly angled so as to know if things got sticky in the room. Stella caught his eyes and she was glad to see his slight nod and smile. She sighed in relief that he loved these two men as much as she did and was willing to help protect them.

Danny was slow to react when he noticed that Mac was gonna start panicking. Thank goodness Stella was there to help. All he could do was hold Mac awkwardly as he tried to lessen his struggles. He spoke softly and calmly with reassurance to Mac as Stella removed the cuffs he desperately seemed to want off suddenly. When the cuffs were finally removed he was stunned by Mac's reaction. He wasn't prepared for the desperate comforting that Mac was giving to him. All he could do was comfort his lover in return.

"Danny? We have to get him to get a grip before someone else sees him," Stella's voice broke into the moment.

Danny nodded his acknowledgement. Slowly he pulled back and held Mac at arms length. Though he hated to do this he knew Stella was right. They needed to get Mac out of the victim frame of mind as quickly as possible so that Danny could get him home where he'd be safe to lose it. Speaking in a firmly business like voice of authority, "Taylor, I need you to report what happened to you, now."

The distance placed between him and his beloved one confused Mac then an authoritative voice cut through his confusion. His mind clicked into automatic Marine mode. Blinking Mac looked around and truly saw his surroundings. He was practically in Danny's lap at a crime scene. His crime scene was being compromised by his actions. He looked past Danny to see Stella standing a few feet behind and beyond her Flack was guarding the door. That alone was enough to make him realize he had to get it together. Slowly he slid away from Danny even though his body screamed to be back with his lover.

"H...how...did you find me?" He cringed as he heard his own abused voice crack.

"We tracked the evidence down to Ralph Gauthier. When we brought him in for questioning he confirmed he had you but wouldn't give us the location. Thanks to some wonderful investigating by Montana and Hawkes, they found this listing under condemned properties that were once owned by a Victoria Kreigler." Danny replied while helping Mac to his feet.

"Victoria Kreigler...that name sounds familiar. Who is she?" Mac asked as he absently tried to rub his raw wrists.

"She was married at one time to Gauthier. From what we were able to figure her and Claire had been friends for several years before she had just vanished," Stella replied.

"Ah...now I remember. Claire was worried she'd just up and supposedly left without saying goodbye. She was devastated that someone she considered a close friend and whom she felt thought the same would be so callous. She never could find any forwarding info. She thought that maybe it had something to do with her unhappy marriage ending badly. That was about six or seven months before..." Mac supplied as he worked the kinks out of his voice and body.

"From talking to the ex-husband it seems there is grounds to think that there may have been foul play in her disappearance," Danny finished.

Stella noticed that though Mac had pulled it together he was still on his last bit of strength. She needed to get him and Danny out of here as quick as possible. So that they could get back to Mac's where he could break down in safety. She knew what reliving memories of Claire would do to him she'd seen it after Claire's death. He'd lash out and then pull back and build a shell around himself to keep the pain contained and hidden. This time though she hoped for his sake as well as Danny's that it didn’t happen and that Danny was strong enough to weather the onslaught.

"It seemed he was not pleased to be compared to you. Claire talked a lot about how good your marriage was, so it looks as if Victoria passed that on to her ex as an example," Danny finished.

"Why wait until now though to get back at me?" Mac asked.

"Seems our guy got picked up and convicted of assault and battery. He served three years at Riker's and was released on parole about three months ago," Danny supplied.

"Why don't we let the paramedics look you over, get your wrists taken care of and afterwards Danny here can give you a ride home," Stella directed gently herding the two toward the door.

Mac turned back, "Someone needs to process the scene collect more evidence..." he looked at the TV wondering about the videos that would end up in lock up. His most private moments there for anyone to look and gawk over, tainted and twisted by a perverted and venomous mind. He looked helplessly at Stella not knowing what to say. Wanting to ask her to do something that went against the grain of his honor and ethics. Asking with his eyes to make it better, make it go away. Instead he turned and walked out nodding briefly at Flack. He could feel Danny's reassuring presence close by and welcomed it.

Danny's heart broke at the lost and helpless look on Mac's face as he asked about the scene processing. There was no way he'd be up to doing it because he wasn't leaving Mac alone to deal with this. Even if it meant coming out to the department and losing his job, he'd be there for Mac every step.

He gave Stella a meaningful look, then pointedly looked at the TV. Her nod told him she'd understood. Devil be damned, they were not logging all those tapes into evidence. She'd figure it out and keep those that were too sensitive safe until he or Mac could get them, more than likely it would be him. She'd also make sure she was the only one to ever see all of them. Danny had never cashed in on the Messer name since he'd left the family but if he had to he would. Just to keep those tapes from being seen by anyone else and to make sure that Ralph Gauthier paid for what he had done to his lover.

**

It had been three weeks since they'd found Mac. After the first week and a half Mac had returned to work. Mostly it was desk duty catching up on case files and administrative reports. Once or twice helping to run tests on evidence when the lab got swamped. He had no idea how his crew had done it but they had gotten his abductor on murder one. Seemed like they'd went running with the hint about there being foul play with the ex-wife, while Stella and Danny were wrapping up his kidnapping case. The others found the remains and evidence needed to nail Gauthier for his wife's murder.

With the murder taking precedent all Mac had to worry about was giving a statement on the stand about his kidnapping being related to the break up of the defendant's marriage. None of the evidence except what pertained to the actual kidnapping part would be submitted. No one needed to know about the mental torture and damage he'd inflicted on Mac. No one would ever get to see those videos not even the less disturbing ones. How Stella and Danny were able to keep the worst of the videos out of lock up was beyond him and he wasn't about to ask. He was just glad that they had and glad that Claire was able to get closure even if she wasn't here to see it.

On a personal note he couldn't believe Danny's actions and reactions over the past two weeks. He'd stayed with Mac that first night, held him as he'd cried and screamed about Claire's death. Listened as he told about what that bastard had done to his memories of her. Weathered the venom of Mac's anger as he vented it. Taking the brunt of the initial defecation of Mac's soul and then proceeding to fill it up again with goodness. That first night they didn't make love, Danny had just held him holding his head against his chest. It was Danny's silent way of reaffirming to Mac that he was alive and well with Mac.

The next night though was surreal. Mac remembered it as if he was a passenger in his own body. He remembered grabbing Danny when he'd walked through the door. The vague thought that he needed to make sure his memories of Danny were real, passing through his mind. He'd fucked Danny in every room, on every surface and in dozens of positions, seven ways to Sunday. It was no wonder that Danny had called in taking the rest of the week off to spend with him.

The next night had been a repeat of the night before but this time at Danny's apartment and he didn't have to wait for Danny to get home. Once again Mac had claimed Danny everywhere and every how he could. He couldn't seem to stop as soon as he was recovered from one round he was rearing to go. Those two nights Danny didn't stop him from laying claim to his body nor complain. Though Mac knew on an intellectual level that physically Danny must have been hurting some if not a lot.

The third night was the breaker. Danny took control and laid claim to him. He changed the desperate need into needy desire. He made love to him for the first time in almost a week. His gentle, yet strong hands touched him with tender loving care. Muscles tensed with desperation were eased with loving touches. Where Mac had bestowed bites he was given kisses. Danny laid claim to Mac like he was gentling a skittish animal. Which in essence was what he had become. He hadn't been working on human instincts but baser ones.

He'd always thought of Danny as his partner but he'd never consciously thought of the real meaning of those words. It seemed his subconscious had and deemed Danny worthy of the same status that Claire had once had in his life. The baser needs of his instincts had deemed Danny as mate and in so doing made sure that the mate knew it. But that night Danny had made the baser instincts recede and the human ones come out. The human ones that wanted to reconnect to Danny. The human side Danny fed by making slow gentle love to Mac all night long.

When he'd woken up the next day for the first time since it all had begun he was more focused. He was able to look at the incident without wanting to grab Danny and make sure he was real. He remembered looking up into his lover's face; as he'd still slept and thinking how could anyone think this man was weak. He knew from experience over these last few weeks that without Danny, he'd have joined Claire in death. Danny had been his life preserver and anchor while he drifted through those tainted memories of Claire to reach the pristine shores of Danny memories.


End file.
